90 second rule in relationships

by Lindsay on September 29, 2010

in Personal Growth, Relationships

Have you ever been so excited to see someone and greet them excitedly with a smile only to have them frown and greet you grumpily? I have, and the feeling it evokes is, in a word, deflated. Your mood can go from 100 to 0 after a greeting like that. You’ve probably done the same thing to someone. We all have.

Life-coach Jim Fannin developed the concept of the 90 Second Rule. The idea behind it is this:

If you’ve been away from someone you care about or love for at least two hours, the first 90-seconds that you see them has more impact on the relationship than spending hours with them later.

So, the next time you are being reunited with someone (partner, family member, friend, co-worker), be fully engaged in the moment. Regardless of the kind of day you had, focus your energy on that person and that person alone. Look into their eyes. Listen and really hear what they are saying. If they’re feeling sad, mirror them and let them know you recognize their sadness. (Empaths are good at this without much effort). If they’re happy, be just as happy as they are in order to keep their positivity the same.

Trying to be more understanding rather than trying to be understood requires some effort. It takes practice, sure! But it will enrich your relationships with people. If you have a partner, let them in on this and see how much this enriches your relationship and understanding for each other.

How do you think your relationships will most benefit from using the 90 second rule?

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