Heartache 101: 7 ways to heal spiritually after a break-up

by Lindsay on September 1, 2010

in Personal Growth, Relationships, Spirituality

It’s no secret that I’m single. I’ve been through break-ups and I know the sometimes sharp, sometimes dull ache of heart-ache. Some days I really wish I could contact MRE (most recent ex) and find out how she’s doing and tell her I miss her. But I know I can’t. That hurts even worse at times. To go from talking to someone multiple times a day and caring about them with your whole heart and soul to not having them at all – it leaves your mind, body and soul feeling bewildered.

Whether you had an amazingly good relationship or a bad one, when you lose the one you love it hurts. It hurts to the core of your soul and sometimes you can even feel that pain physically: Broken Heart Syndrome

So how can I deal with a breakup?

We all deal with breakups in different ways. Some of us go out and party. Others stay at home alone with movies, ice cream and/or wine (or all of the above). Some of respond with sadness and cry often, while others wrap their hearts in a protective wrap of anger or denial.

No matter which avenue you take, breaking up is hard to do. Sometimes, though, it takes the ending of a relationship to catapult us into a mode of self-awareness and growth that leads us to finding inner peace. Sometimes there is no better time than after a break-up to work on your personal development and self-growth. This is the avenue I’ve taken this time around. My motivation to get out of bed each morning is based on the fact that I know there is something better and bigger out there for me. I view each day as a day to get to know myself, grow spiritually and become a better person for myself, my future partner, and the world as a whole.

As someone who’s been there/done that I came up with some tips for how to heal from a break-up on a spiritual level in order to grow, become more self-aware and a better person for your next relationship.

7 ways to heal spiritually after a break-up

  • Clean House. Not just physically, but metaphorically. Sure, clean out the stuff in your house that reminds you of your ex (her perfume, his hoodie, pictures) but clean out your heart, too. Let yourself cry. Give yourself the freedom to really feel the pain. The more you fight it, the more it’s going to hurt. So let yourself clean house.
  • Write it out. After a breakup we often feel overwhelmed with emotion. Our friends can only take so much of listening to us over each agonizing detail of the relationship and/or breakup. I have found that journaling (and writing this blog) is very therapeutic. Put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and just write, write, write it all out. Write your ex a letter you never intend to send. Writing is cathartic and you’ll feel lighter and more free once you get it all out.
  • Try something new. Sure, starting over is scary. But it’s also exciting. Do something you’ve always wanted to do but either didn’t have time while you were in a relationship or just haven’t done. Do something for yourself – take up a new hobby, take a class or just go somewhere you’ve never been – even in your own city! Seeing new places and learning new things on your own will make you realize you really are okay alone.
  • Bask in your new-found solitude. Most of us don’t like to be alone. Especially after a break-up when you’re used to spending most of your free time with someone else. But being on your own is a gift and can help you really learn more about your soul and yourself on a spiritual level. Enjoy getting to know yourself. Enjoy the peace and quiet that only you can create for yourself.
  • Meditate. The benefits of meditation are aplenty. Meditation can help lower your blood pressure (when you feel stressed after seeing your ex out and about or think about him with someone else!), help you become more self aware and just give you a sense of inner calm. Meditate daily, even if only for 10 minutes. Use the time you would’ve spent talking to your ex on the phone to have a conversation with your higher self.
  • Forgive. Whether your ex did you wrong or you did your ex wrong, forgiveness is key. Forgiveness lets you heal from the past and move on in a healthier, more productive way. Without forgiveness, you won’t truly heal in order to move on and be a healthier you. Know that you did your best and let go of all past misgivings, whether they were yours or your partner’s.  Recognize that the two of you had a soul contract and were meant to learn certain things from one another. Be grateful for the opportunity you had to learn and grow with one another while sharing love.
  • Take care of yourself. This may sound obvious but really, it’s not. We may let things like personal hygiene go when we have no one to impress or look good for. But the better you take care of yourself, the better you will feel. I have started cooking myself all of my meals and really putting more care into my body and appearance. I’m watching what I put into my body and when. I want to look and feel good for myself. The better I feel and look, the better off I am when I do meet my future partner.

At some point, you’ll be ready to get ‘back in the saddle’ and start dating. You can even use the Law of Attraction to manifest your next soul mate! Exciting.

Have any tips for how to have a spiritual post breakup experience? Post ‘em here!

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Yu September 2, 2010 at 3:40 am

I love all of those points. My breakup count isn't very high, but I managed to stay in love with all of my past girlfriends. Right now we are all on good terms and things are great! 🙂
I guess the way to handle a breakup is just to let it be and stare it in the face, and gently guide it another way so as to expend it's energy somewhere else.

Lindsay September 2, 2010 at 5:40 am

That's really great. I think it says a lot about a person when they can get along with – and love – their past loves. I do think some time and space is required in order to get to that point, though. My best friend is my ex-partner of 7 years and I could not imagine life without her. But we definitely needed time between our relationship and our friendship to reach this point. Thanks for your comment – you are a wise soul!

Jay February 25, 2011 at 9:36 am

Death of a partner is another form of break up. I have, over the last twenty odd years, lost one husband then later, one long term partner. Both times I felt I was off balance mentally.

The first time I obsessed with photos for a few weeks. I allowed myself to absolutely wallow in memories. Then, because he was a musician, I used his trumpet and joined a district band. It was like developing a skill in his memory. That really helped me.

Like you suggested, “Try something new”.

Jax May 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Reading this has really been an eye opener to me. I have not been having too easy of a time with lossing a former ex love and then after a fling that I got suprising attached to very early on. It has been hard but recently I have realized that I cant put control into situations that I have no control on. Like you, every once in a while I wish I could contact my ex, hear his voice, reassure him that I still love him and wish him the best, tell him how much I miss him but then my mind takes over my heart and I realize that I dont want to go down that road AGAIN. Right now I am just working on myself and have hope that someone great will come around when im ready and we can have something very special. Its impossible to get involved with someone when your heart is still else where and leads to nothing but pain. I learned that the hard way. Just wanted to say how this article really touched my heart and I love the ways you talk about to heal spirtually. The one that took me the longest was forgiveness…of myself and my ex love. I think that one must take acceptance into account as well. Great article :=)

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Mel September 20, 2016 at 12:36 am

Amen to this. Sometimes experiencing deepest love – and the loss of that love – is essential for blossoming into our best and most authentic selves. My mind has been hovering around this topic a lot lately as emotions have resurfaced (as they always do!), so this was very reassuring to read.

Kylee November 2, 2016 at 1:24 am

Thank you. This advice help me a lot!

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