For much of my adult life, I’ve found myself in some relationships for the wrong reasons. Not with bad people, necessarily. I’d just find myself with ill-fitting partners – people I knew weren’t right for me – sometimes out of fear of being alone.
This inability to be alone caused me to lose understanding in myself. I buried myself so deep in wanting, needing and being in a relationship. Relationships became my whole world, the focus of my attention. When one relationship would end, I’d quickly go look for another one. I was afraid of being alone and truly knowing myself. I wasn’t doing anyone any favors – not my partners and certainly not me.
After much introspection, I realized that I was the source of these failed relationships. One relationship failed? No matter – on to the next one. But not this time. No, I’ve embraced my singledom and as a result, I’ve embraced myself. And you know what? I’ve never felt better.
I’ve spent a lot of time by myself over the past couple of months. And instead of wallowing in self pity and desperately looking for my next life partner, I’ve spent copious amounts of time on personal development and self improvement. I have, in a sense, been dating myself. I am well aware now that it’s only when you are healthy in mind, body and spirit that you can have the energy and internal resources to make a positive difference and help others and, as a result, have healthy relationships. This is a simple, yet incredibly powerful concept.
Everyone single one of us has heard that you have to love yourself before someone else can love you – and before you can love someone else. The reason for this is simple – our ideal partner is a reflection of us. We attract people that are like us. Not just in terms the the romantic/physical attraction. We attract them metaphysically – these people tend to turn up in our lives to mirror us and teach us lessons.
So why not be the best possible you you can be – love yourself truly, deeply and honestly. Only then will you attract the right “mirror” – the partner who loves you for you because you do too. (Sounds pretty Dr. Seuss-like, doesn’t it?).
Even if you are in a long-term relationship, it’s important to take yourself out on dates: go to the gym, spend time outside in nature, curl up with a book and read for a couple of hours, write in your journal, cook yourself a nice meal. No matter what your relationship status is, it is vital to invest time in yourself. Get to know yourself. We’re all a work in progress. So it’s important to pay attention to this work in progress we call “me” and ultimately, love yourself. You’re doing yourself a favor and everyone around you, too.