Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. ~ Rumi
Years ago, I had a terrible experience with someone I dated for a very brief period. This person tormented me in many ways after the break-up. The story is too nightmarish to write out, but it was bad enough that until very recently (years later), I was unable to say this person’s name out loud without getting sweaty palms. I didn’t want friends to mention the name either – I was afraid she would be like Voldemort from the Harry Potter books – she’d re-appear if her name were brought up. I referred to her as she who shall not be named.
And although I’ve been a spiritual person for a few years now and consciously knew that this person was likely a teacher of mine, it’s only been recently that I’ve been able to recognize the immense lessons she taught me just by being such a horrible human being to me at that dark period.
Part of me thought that I must have been terrible in a past life to deserve what was happening to me, and I must’ve been paying my penance in this one. I don’t think like that anymore. Karma doesn’t work that way. I realize now that this person and I had a soul agreement – my soul had agreed to this experience before I was ever born. (Thanks, higher self!).
Think about the person in your life who has been the worst to you – the absolute worst. This could be the mean girl from middle school, a relative, a coworker, an ex boy/girlfriend. Mr. or Mrs. Horrendous could be someone from your past or someone who is very much in your present. Beyond being in your life to hurt or annoy you, this person is a teacher.
It’s not just the people in our lives who bring goodness, happiness and love who are our teachers. In fact, some of our biggest teachers are those who bring us the most strife and heartache.
Sometimes we may not see their benefit in our lives until long after the dust has settled but sure enough, that ‘silver lining’ is always there – the lesson that helped you grow into a better person. A more patient person. A more loving, tolerant, forgiving person. On the chalkboard of life, everyone’s a teacher.
Before we are ever born, we make ‘soul agreements’. We agree on the people we’ll meet, the lessons to be learned in this lifetime and the pre-destined events and agreements. Each person that comes into your life is here to offer you an opportunity to stretch, grow and heal in some way. While our entire lives are not pre-ordained – we do have free will – many of the relationships we have are with are souls we agreed to embark on a journey with long before birth.
Think about the people you’ve had relationships with (parents, siblings, past loves, current loves). They’ve all taught us something. Not convinced? Consider these indicators of having a soul agreement with someone:
- This person pushes your buttons, bringing old wounds to the surface, forcing you to stop ignoring them
- Mirrors your weaknesses and flaws
- Offers support, encouragement and acts as your cheerleader
- Shines with qualities you admire and that you want to take on yourself
- Acts as a role model
- Teaches you about something new you’ve never heard of
- Pulls at your heart-strings, triggers guilt or projects victim-hood so you can learn to see beyond these illusions
- Teaches you unconditional love and forgiveness through example
While some people’s presence in our lives come from a deeper, soul contract connection, everyone we meet in our lives has meaning and can teach us a lesson. That includes (but of course isn’t limited to)
- A co-worker who insists on crunching the loudest foods at the most inopportune times (i.e., between 9am-5pm)
- The man who butt in line in front of you with no regard or care
- The friend who hurt your feelings but won’t acknowledge it
- The neighbors upstairs or next door who make seemingly unhuman-like noises at odd hours
- The person who stole your bike
- The woman who bought the last chocolate croissant that you had your eyes on while standing in line
No matter how painful, how annoying, how simply wonderful anyone is – they are all here to teach us lessons. It’s good to ask yourself “What can I learn from this?” in the heat of the moment (and even in retrospect). I’ll try to remember that the next time someone else buys the last chocolate croissant.
Interested in learning more about your soul agreements? An Akashic Reading/Soul Contract is a great way to learn about your soul contracts & agreements