Are soul mates pre-destined or chosen?

Are soul mates pre-destined or chosen?

by Lindsay on April 25, 2012

in Relationships, Souls

KHL-VRT photography & Art!

When you start to get out into the dating & relationship world, is who you meet part of a Divine design and already set up before you come here, or is there a flexible kind of flow-chart that’s brings random folks into our lives? Robert Ohotto’s latest radio show covered this topic last week.

I should first mention that my definition of a soul mate isn’t what many of us define as a soul mate. I don’t think these people are our “one and only”. No. I think of a soul mate as more of a karma mate.  Someone with whom you have a soul agreement with to grow together on a soul level.

Soul mates are people who impact our lives and help us find out who we are – sometimes that’s through friction and tough times and hard-earned lessons. Not the romantic “Hollywood” idea of what a soul mate is; your “other half” who completes you. You can thank Hollywood for ingraining that warped idea of what a soul mate is into your mind! Soul mates aren’t about being our other half – instead, soul mates mirror us on how we can be whole within ourselves.

Soul mates are: pets, siblings, parents, coworkers, friends, and yes, lovers.

Think about your past relationships: How did you meet the people you were with? How did you feel? What sort of energy did you feel between the two of you?

Robert Ohotto says soul mates are both pre-destined and come into our lives based on our own decisions and actions. He says,

There are some people you can’t help BUT meet – there is no vision board that’s gonna get them there, they are on their way. Some relationships are fated that way. Part of a Divine design and all you’ve gotta do is show up to life and you’ll meet them.

How have you met the people who have had the largest significance in your life? Did you make it happen? Did circumstances lead you to the person in ways that there is no way to explain it except to say it was Divine intervention?

Here’s Robert’s take on the different types of relationships we have and how we can tell if they are soul mate relationships or something else:

Fated relationships: a “must meet” – they usually shape your life in such a profound way that your whole destiny would not be the same if you hadn’t met them. For example, when I was 18 years old I met the woman who became my partner and brought me to Canada. I would say this meeting was set up well before we were born. The things that had to take place before we met were so random, yet we somehow landed on each other’s radar and the rest is history. There’s not a lot I could’ve done to change that.  The bigger energies & people you’re meant to encounter are going to come into your life no matter what you do. You don’t need to panic that you haven’t yet met the right person – you will meet the people you are meant to meet when you are supposed to meet them.  These people usually come into our lives and make a huge impact and stay in our lives for a long time.

Non-fated relationships: People who come into our lives to teach us a lesson, but it could’ve been anyone to teach that particular lesson and not one particular soul. These people usually come into our lives, teach us something or learn from us, and then move on. These relationships are usually short-lived and we get along in our lives without them just fine.

Anyone I’ve met in my life that has been significant to me I met through Divine design – a series of synchronistic events that led us to finding each other. Not on PlentyOfFish or OKCupid or some other contrived, inauthentic way of meeting someone, but through synchronistic circumstances.

Now as I navigate through life, I’ve lost the desperation of the “must find” and know that whoever comes into my life to teach me something will come when we are both good & ready. There is no desperate need. Just show up in life and see what happens.

What are your thoughts on soul mates? Is the Hollywood romantic version true, or are our soul mates karmic soul ‘friends’ we are meant to learn from, teach and grow with? 

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Julie | A Clear Sign April 25, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Hi Lindsay,

That is an interesting way to think of it, which I’ve never done before. When I think back to meeting my current husband, it almost didn’t happen. I shouldn’t have been where I was. I normally would have been at the gym but I had a minor injury. I normally wouldn’t have been on AOL (old dial up days of chat rooms, early 90s) but I was hiding from my roommate who was having “an episode.” He normally wouldn’t have been there either but he was stuck in the office monitoring the weather for a hurricane about to hit Antigua. We were the only people from Florida so we chatted about 2 minutes and my Dad called and knocked me offline. I hung up quickly because “for some reason” I didn’t want to miss Derek. He was still there, he called me and although I’d never made myself a blind date before, we made a date to meet at a hotel bar between our cities. I went to the right hotel and the wrong bar and couldn’t find him. Found him and didn’t think much of him either way. The hurricane hit and he left to go to Antigua for a month for cleanup. He actually called when he got back and I was actually available. Seventeen years later, here we are. So…not sure that long story means we were meant to be together or not!


Lindsay April 25, 2012 at 9:24 pm

WOW…talk about coincidences and synchronicities lining up that meeting! You met back in the AOL days when there was dial-up, even! Why am I hearing the screeching of a modem right now? ;)

I think if you two weren’t meant to be together, it never would’ve happened. Lately I don’t think there is any “good” or “bad” on a soul level – things just ARE. And on a soul level, it’s all seen as an experience we need/agreed to have. I hate the saying “It is what it is” but…well, it is. LOL

I’d say the long story (in short) means you were meant to be together! You don’t spend 17 years with someone and learn nothing, that’s for damn sure!


Lisa | Practically Intuitive April 26, 2012 at 9:39 am

Hi Lindsay – I’m with you on the definition of “soul-mate”. Wayne Dyer defines it as someone who helps your soul to expand and grow. That’s often done in romantic relationships but it’s not exclusive to that.

I agree that there are relationships that are destined to occur (I have several myself and one of them set me on my current path.) Just stay open to who shows up and what you feel about it. That’s the only way to know.

:) Helpful article!


Lindsay April 26, 2012 at 10:34 am

I know you’re a fellow Ohotto fan. I just love him to bits & bits. Everything he says so resonates with me!

I’d be curious to hear your story on who set you up on your current path. :D


Karly April 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

Lindsay, I just wanted to say ‘thank you’! Your emails and blog entries continue to help me understand and make sense of this process I’m going through right now in my life, especially in the ‘soul-mate department’. I always look forward to hearing what you have to say :)


Lindsay April 26, 2012 at 10:35 am

Hi Karly,

You made my day – thanks for taking the time to tell me that you find the articles helpful! I think so many of us struggle in the soul-mate department BECAUSE of the images the media (and everyone else) gives us about them. This knowledge of what a soul mate really is sure has helped me in relationships!


Haley Steinhardt April 26, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Lovely and poignant post:) I love the idea of a “karma mate.” That really resonates with me…


Lindsay April 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Thank you, Haley! When I first heard karma mate I really loved it too. Actually, still do!


Veeh Cirra April 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Lovely article Lindsay, I just love such topics. More please…

The Hollywood soul mate love is just too romanticized. Makes us feel incomplete if we don’t meet the one as they portray it. When I imagine the many takes they do to make that “love” look real, I can’t help but chuckle.

Love always finds a way…I like the way Robert Ohotto said that they are some people we can’t help but meet. That’s the way the universe works everything in perfect order.

I feel that we all have more than soul mate. I have seen it in my life too. I recently wrote an article on something similar

I just have to share this quote here…please allow me…

A soul mate is an ongoing connection with another individual that the soul picks up again in various times and places over lifetimes. We are attracted to another person at a soul level not because that person is our unique complement, but because by being with that individual, we are somehow provided with an impetus to become whole ourselves.

~Edgar Cayce~



Lindsay April 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Hi Veeh,

I’m glad you liked the topic — I love this stuff, too! I am going to go check out your article. I love the look & feel of your blog; simple but beautiful.

Thank you for the Cayce quote. He had it right! I might share that on The Daily Awe FB page. :)


Justin April 26, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I am currently a Communication Arts and Philosophy student at UW Madison focusing mainly in religious and spiritual texts and I just wanna say this article is amazing. I cannot begin to express how often I attempt to convey to women my age who can’t seem to stay OUT of a relationship that their chosen lifestyle may in fact be hindering them from finding their true love. The best advice I consistently give is; Be nobody other than 100% Yourself, Be always open to new ideas and perspectives and never settle for anything less than you Honestly feel you deserve.

I am very happy websites such as this exist as the people influenced by the ideas here are the real positive world changers whom never cease to amaze me. Thank you everyone for simply being a positive example for the world, as only through the impact of truly virtuous people will we ever be able to achieve peace within ourselves and with our fellow man.


Lindsay April 26, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Hi Justin,

Thanks so much for your compliments! I’m glad you enjoyed the article. Wouldn’t it be nice to have some of these young girls who are waiting for their prince charming to realize that that usually isn’t how relationships work? I suppose that’s just a lesson we learn as life goes on, most of the time. You are so right “Be nobody other than 100% yourself, be always open to new ideas and perspectives.” Thanks for sharing your thoughts!


Anne McCarroll April 26, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I would definitely agree that a soul mate is someone who helps you grow or love or learn as ‘a soul’. That H’wood idea is kind of juvenile and lacks depth, I think (as a 40 yr old!)…someone who meets us on a soul learning level is multidimensional! I mean, how many of us reading your wonderful articles are soul mates ?
It’s like a ‘karma Klatsch’ -( did I spell that right? German for group)
Can’t wait to hear the Ohotto clip
Thx for another great article


Lindsay April 26, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Hi Anne,

Ohotto is “the man” – lol. Everything he says just strikes a chord deep within me! You are right about the Hollywood idea lacking depth. I hadn’t found the right word to describe it and you’re bang-on! And you know what? I bet a bunch of those who comment on this article and/or read my blog regularly are my soul mates for sure. Soul groups! I don’t know how to spell it in German but I like the term Karma Klatsch. Can I use that? :)


Anne McCarroll April 29, 2012 at 3:57 am



Susan May 24, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I have a question regarding relationships, how do they define relationships in which violence is involved. You meet a person you know they do drugs, you know they drink (occassionally), you also know they have to change themselves all you can do is pray for them. You both agree to wait to take the relationship to the next step.
Your together six months (your 18, the other 21) and your engaged, then the threats start (of harming your family) along with the abuse (hitting), then one night, you are drugged and raped by this person. Some people may say why’d you stay? when there is a threat you know they mean its called protecting. Leaving after the last straw (the drugging and rape) is taking a chance. You tell no one (heck the person responsible believes they did nothing wrong) for almost twenty years.

I have read up on some opinions that free will no angel can interfere even though someone is asking for the help, because there is another party involved who also has free will.
I have read up on some opinions that say you manifested/attracted the abuse and rape, because of fear. Even if you didn’t have a fear of either to begin with, apparently you did and didn’t know it…

What is that relationship? Why would people be destined or chosen or whatever to meet up with that person? How does this person help you, you lose your trust in people, in yourself, you go numb, you have physicological problems from it.

This then brings you to another relationship, you take your time to get to know them, gathering trust (talking, laughing, joking as friends) slowly, till you fineally get together in a relationship (after three years), you feel safe and trust them, to be with them. — Only to be together about six months in a strange relationship (ups and downs which is normal but constantly, and dumb ideas as to types of relationships from their friend/s, etc).
But seeing that snap shot moment in time when you looked into their eyes and seen a beautiful soul, love and are in awe and your realize you are in love with them, then its gone, because the other person breaks it off without reason, and the other person won’t talk to you or acknowledge you.

Now some might say that this is a lesson you learned to trust, feel safe and have faith and love another, the problem with that is it just recycles without the abuse. You’re trust issues are back, your fear is back, everything is back, and you can’t help but wonder does it take another twenty years to find and three to get to know.

It’s troubling to understand this, and your not only learning the first time to trust another person, yourself, angels, god, the universe (of which I wonder if that is god) again, then have to do it all over again. How does this go into the catagory of relationships. I have read many blogs about twin flames, soulmates, etc.
But none have I ever came across address this issue or similar issues like this that I went through.

I don’t mean to come across as sarcastic, or challenging I am just looking for and explaination as to why the universe/god/angels would think it is a good idea to bring you and someone together, only to be hurt. And then you try and figure out where do I go from here and when you ask for help/advice and none of it, like what happened makes sense.
Why are so many afraid to address this issue, everyone asks us to trust our guts, ourselves, the universe, but they don’t say how to handle things when bad things happen like that. Don’t sneak it in to a small snip that could be interepted as something else, come out fully. If you don’t have first hand knowledge (bless you), or know someone who has gone through this (bless you), then ask someone who has. — No rape is the same I can’t say I know what another person is going through, but I have a general idea what they are saying.

I guess I am saying of life in general can be addressed or even types of relationships, life styles, etc why can this not be addressed not necessairly specific to hard, but in generalized way.

Sorry if this seems confusing, just something that I had to ask about, don’t know why, but it was like I had to put it out there.


Michelle June 18, 2012 at 9:43 am

I have asked the same questions many times throughout my life, why do bad things happen to good people? I have come to the conclusion that in our soul contracts there are certain destinies to which we agree to (I know your probably asking why on earth would anyone agree to being hurt in a physical manner or emotionally abused etc), there is no easy answer because only the souls that agree to the contract can truly explain the lessons they need to experience, I’ve often thought that one main reason could be residual energies from previous lifetimes, where the victim in this lifetime is the perpetrator in the former. I can tell you however that to truly stop a cycle such as this you need to let go and release that hurt and what may seem like an undying anger and try to really find forgiveness for those who trespass against your soul. This is definitely not an easy task for any soul to take on, but one which all of us during our cycles throughout our many lifetimes need to experience. I believe there really isn’t “good or bad”, just actions and the consequences which occur because of those actions. Out of good things come bad and out of bad things come good. It may seem like a clinical way to view things but to me it’s the only way I can justify how such terrible things can and do happen to people (often by the very people that are supposed to be loving and protective of the person who they so terribly hurt). Viewing things in this manner also has made it easier for me to be acutely aware of the damage my negative thoughts and feelings can have upon those around me, of course no one is a saint and negativity does slip past us all but for those that I do slip up on I visualize red roses and i send them to the person i feel i may have hurt. I can usually feel a change in that persons attitude towards me the next time I’m around them. I think that forgiveness is possibly the hardest experience to deal with on this earth plane and everyone’s journey to find it, is a hard and lonely path to traverse but ultimately i think that if i cannot find forgiveness for those who trespass against me, how can anyone find forgiveness for me in return? 


Renee July 20, 2012 at 4:08 am

Hi Lindsay,

Great words…and what do you know? I just happened to stumble upon this as I procrastinate on writing my thesis to finish grad school. A nice “planned” coincidence from something greater for sure. :)

If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is that we have certain pulls to certain souls. Well, at least this is my take on it. So whether or not a person (or dog or cat or fish) or soul is destined to be our partner in life, I feel that our souls are/were destined to meet. That there is something deeper going on outside of our choices. That we really do (even this is hard for me to grasp at times) attract the souls we need at the time and length we need them with our intentions.

It definitely doesn’t make life easier when there are those that bring hurt or pain and a lesson to us to learn from, but we need these experiences, I believe, to find the fullness in our lives. Being an empath myself also, I have had to learn to protect and shield myself from the negative energy a lot of souls, most of the time unknowingly, carry with them. Having this awareness and paying attention has definitely helped me to cherish the soul mates that are present in my life.

And just an FYI to the article–my deepest, closest connections/attractions that are still near and dear to me, all came by taking a positive risk towards a new beginning. It’s very enchanting. It makes me smile and warms my heart.

Thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading more from you. :)


Shannon February 13, 2013 at 6:42 pm

Great article. Feels true and reassuring:) Happy Karma- mates day tomorrow!


Lyn February 22, 2013 at 5:47 pm

Wondering about a person whom you feel a strong connection to that comes in and out of your life. Someone who if you haven’t spoken to them in years, and when you do, it’s like “old hat”, lots of laughing, fun, easy, no relationship damage. When I was single, he was not, when I was not single, he was. Bad timing, off timing, or is it a “never to be” situation. What is the purpose of relationships like that?


Danielle May 21, 2013 at 4:30 am

They are meant to be just a friend.. it does not matter if you, or him are with someone, or single.. if it was MEANT TO BE SO THEY SAY.. you would leave your partners to be together… he comes and goes to keep you grounded and believing in love.. but he is just a friend…


Danielle May 21, 2013 at 4:28 am


Interesting to read, have not come across this page before, always nice to read other people’s views on the soul mate topic.. but then at the end of the day your just a person like all of us with an opinion.. hm undecided…


Annette July 18, 2013 at 6:47 am

Hi there, explain this one….
Last year, I walked into my normal hangout to have a beer with a friend… With her is another friend, Lea, we immediately hit it off and never stopped looking at each other and talking. The nite ended, but somehow I felt different. I didn’t see or speak to Lea for 2 weeks, then we saw each other again and from that point forward were inseparable. The draw to each other was unreal, so much so that we almost crossed “the line”. We are both female. We backed off that and remained the best of friends still inseparable. We had been living in the same town for 20 yrs with mutual friends and could even pinpoint being in the same place at the same time but never seeing each other. Things were great until she goes to California and meets a guy who lives in our state just in another town an hour away. They begin dating because she feels it was fate. He treats her horribly but she refuses to leave because of the way they met. I have now been cast out because I tell her to leave him ( lying, cheating,etc). Guess I’m wondering what the lesson is in all this since it has become a big painful mess. Will I ever get the pleasure of meeting Lea again?


Nhi April 3, 2014 at 11:51 am

That Lindsay,

That is so weird when I was searching foe the words “destined relationships”, I found your amazing article. It is so true about me and my current…oh, How can I say, the one I am dating with. We have not committed yet but I always think that I knew him many thoudsand years ago! On that day our first met, I shouldn’t gone to the street that he was standing with his friends. I normally never pay attention to the guys in the street because I am cold and aloof. He standing there with 3 friends of him or so. After 3 or 4 seconds I passed by, he run after me and said Hi. :)


Ashley January 4, 2015 at 1:21 pm


This is really interesting. There is a guy in my life right now who… Well we learn so much from each other because we are individuals, but we also reflect each other so well. It is actually pretty incredible how much we are alike. We both have friends for about 3 years now and have been best friends for maybe about a year or a year and a half. I don’t understand though if our friendship is all that is meant to be between us or even if down the road at some point we could become eternal companions… I’m very confused, but you have added and confirmed pieces of my own perspective about relationships I have had with people.

Thank you.


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