Ever had a kid tell you something about someone (or yourself) and it was poignant in its innocent honesty? We all start out as emotionally honest. As kids, we cried when we were hurt and said what was on our minds. Most of us say we love the honesty of children, but do we really? Go back in time of the first time you were taught that expressing or feeling what you felt was bad and how that was communicated to you. We live in a society that teaches us to ignore, repress, deny and lie about our feelings. For example, when asked how we feel, most of us will reply “fine” or “good,” even if that’s not true.
Emotional honesty means expressing your true feelings. To be emotionally honest we must first be emotionally aware. It’s a lot harder than it sounds. But, being able to feel what you feel is a vital part of having healthy and connected intimacy. Most of us grew up and were modeled on how to not feel. So, we’ve got some work to do here.
You have to be emotionally honest with yourself in order to be emotionally available for someone else. We live in a culture that tells us that we are supposed to be happy all of the time. The reality of the cycles of life means that we aren’t always happy. And that’s okay. Sometimes in our darkest hours we learn the most valuable lessons.
If you can learn how to be in present time with your emotional energy, you can begin to trust yourself and your feelings to guide you. You can take a minute when someone asks you a question and you can feel your answer in your body somewhere. You won’t get that guidance if you’re not capable of feeling what you feel and being honest about it.
Our intuition speaks to us through our feelings. The more you judge your intuition, and the more you deny your feelings, the less you are going to get it. You are guided with every single breath you take and in every single second.
You can’t be in a real relationship without emotional honesty. And you can’t expect emotional honesty from someone if they can’t give it to themselves. Energy doesn’t lie and emotions are a form of energy. No matter what someone is saying to you, if you tap into their energy field and feel it, you can tell whether or not it’s honest and lines up with what they are saying. Don’t expect emotional honesty from someone who can’t give it to themselves.
Are we really emotionally honest with ourselves? How many of us allow ourselves to feel what we really feel? If we’re not, then why aren’t we?
If you need to work on emotional honesty with yourself (and get real here, be honest with yourself – are you really?) here are some tips:
- Write in a journal: Writing down what you’re feeling is a good practice in how to get real with yourself. I kept a journal in my younger years and then stopped for a large part of my adult life. In the past few years I’ve begun journaling again and the experience is always cathartic. If I can’t be honest with myself in my journal, I can’t be honest with anyone.
- Find the feeling in your body: The next time someone asks you how you feel about something, focus on the feelings in your body and find the places where it feels wrong (or right) and verbalize it. Doesn’t sound easy?
- Practice! Start with the people who are closest to you and share your honest feelings with them. When something’s not right, start your sentence with, “I feel…” The more you do this, the easier it becomes and the easier it is to do with everyone in your life.